• Christianna Burkee

Article-25 Try try again

Hello my sweet reader, I’m so happy to have you here. If your eyes haven’t immediately averted from this scramble of words and you find yourself reading along, I salute you. One of two things is compelling you to read forward: Either the title of this article pertains to an emotion in your life, by experience. Or two, you have an intrigue…perhaps to spark conversation? Learn? Grow? Disagree? All of the above work just as well, and I’m eager to talk to you about one of the world’s most imperative subjects: love.

“Your history, however your own, is still history. Your future is something entirely unwritten.”

I remember the days when it all seemed so simple. You like the person, you “got” the person, and with a flick of the wrist and a click of your heels, you were happy in relationship. But as one ages, and as time seems to chafe against the flesh of innocence, you develop the most marvelously handy, yet dangerously imprinting gift along the way: experience.

Your history in relationships can lend an offering and helpful hand as you continue to move forward in your search for love. But there is an alternative side that can pollute a relationship if unaddressed, and we often miss it due to its subconscious nature.

May I ask you question? When was the last time you had quality time with your past?


Our love lives are meant to be stocked in hope; marinated in anticipation; enveloped in excitement. But if you’ve heard too many times that three bell signal of the match defeated, it can be more than nerve wracking to enter into the ring again; let alone with such positive mentalities. Most of the time we aren’t even aware that we have 5,000 walls up, protecting our quivering heart from the potential of pain 6.0. However, it’s fundamental to be aware of your history, so that you know what your tendencies, pain points, and beliefs are. What have you gone through, good and bad? How did that affect you? Shape you? What have you learned that you want? Don’t want? Note your journey, and allow it permission to exist.

“Our love lives are meant to be stocked in hope.”

Your history is yours, and yours alone. It’s important to take time to sit in its presence and understand it fully. But a vital piece that many of us miss is this: your history, however your own, is still history. Your future is something entirely unwritten. Let us not fear it, let us not assume its outcome. But let’s run full speed ahead in anticipation. Let us learn from our past, in order to perceive a delightful horizon.

Someone said to me recently, “You have a hard time letting your feelings loose because other people didn’t care for them tenderly. You’ll eventually trust that someone will take care of those, and not take them for granted. Then, you’ll be able to fill up that big heart of yours even more.”

There are mountains worth of advisements and tips I could give, but allow me these three:

  1. It’s okay to be messy as you explore something new. Relationship is meant to be an adventure for two. Ask questions, communicate fully, and remember that even if things feel messy, feelings have never been a trustworthy compass. Let truth be your captain.

  2. Believe the best in people, and please don’t project your past onto them. Trust is not copy and paste…it must be built over time within the walls of each relationship.

  3. Remember…your past is your past… not your now; not your future. The definition in and of itself is this: gone by, over, over and done with, no more, gone, done, dead and buried, finished, ended, forgotten, bygone, former, old, ancient, defunct, extinct.

My reader, if you find yourself longing, but afraid to try again, let my encouragement be this: We never know the outcome, but what we do know, is how to take one step forward. Things might feel scary right now, or maybe this advice is meant for you down the road. But know that as you embrace yourself, build trust over time, and place your gaze on hope…soon, that window to your heart will open more and more, until you realize your worry wasn’t worth it after all, and the risk was more than worth taking.

xoxo, C

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