Curiosity didn't kill the convo.
Have you ever gone on a date, and your partner doesn’t ask you any questions? Nothing far beyond “where are you from, do you have any siblings, and how are you”?
Nothing against the necessary basics...but you get what I mean.
By the end of dinner and your shared creme brûlée, it's as if you have summited the exploratory mountain of who they are, but you are left feeling undiscovered, and frankly, not very pursued. It’s frustrating to say the least, and can get very old, very quickly.
I always say that dating is an art. Why? Because it’s a learned skill that not many seek to understand. Discovery and connection and the expression of such have been vastly forgotten in our day and age. The twists and turns and morphings of dating from its essence have tremendously confused the lot of us, and consequently...have made it hard for folks to find meaningful connection and positive outcomes.
There is a why behind the reason you choose to go on a date with a person. And that “why” is the center of your communicative success, for it fuels the vessel of curiosity.
Did you know that when I’m on a date with you, it’s more about you than it is me and what I can gain?
Sure, we all want relationships, and the kind of love Hollywood writes about. But those desires are rooted in you, so much so that you don’t need a dinner date to validate what you’re looking for. So much so, that you can confidently give your time, attention, and curiosity without feeling weak, or out of touch with your relational goals.
What do you mean, Christianna?
I mean that when you accept the date invitation, or extend the offer, your desires (or shall I say...checklists *ahem ahem) are not what the spotlight should be on. What does need the attention, is the person you are giving your time to.
Curiosity is one of the most transcendent ways to communicate value to the person that you are with.
It’s possible to tell you, with outrightly saying so, that you are cared about, valued, and respected, from the amount that I choose to pursue your heart.
In the rise of instant gratification, individual fame and lewd predilections, most daters nowadays are thinking about what their partner can do for them. All the while, forgetting how to pursue and be curious. Because we’ve forgotten our why.
This selfless style of dating I understand is unheard of to most. But imagine if both parties were to apply this? Imagine knowing that when you spend time with someone, you are equally as prepared to lay your individual agendas down, in order to pursue, reveal and uncover the person you are with?
Daters. I encourage you to be curious. I encourage you to ask questions. Questions beyond the expected.
Choose wisely as you put yourself out there. Pick people who not only are attractive to you, but you actually want to learn about.
I encourage you to LEARN how to ask good questions. Google it, research it, come up with a game that drives connection, whatever it may be. Conversational attainment is an art. We are better than small talk. We are better than self-seeking. We were made to be curious. We were made to connect well.
As we approach a clean slate, a year uncovered, let us move forward with the intention of inquisitiveness. Like a child that ardently plays and explores the outdoors, let us have the same heart as we explore one another.
It’s truly a gift, and let us seek to give it fully.